d New York Neo-Futurists

Twitter plays, part CLXXXVIII

It’s Twitter Plays CLXXXVIII! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that features a PRECIOUS JEWEL.

Here are your plays starting with @Emperor_norton with good news/bad news.

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Twitter plays, part CLXXXVII

It’s Twitter Plays CLXXXVII! And before we are fully back from Sandy. We missed you guys last week.

This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that features a MURDER.

Here are your plays starting with @newageamazon and the crime of the century.

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Twitter plays, part CLXXXVI

It’s Twitter Plays CLXXXVI! And before we start, we got this fantastic tweet:

Yes!

So, this week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that features GIBBERISH. Or, as @BostonCourtput it: “so basically you’re asking us to just tweet.”

Here are your plays starting with @HeidiHandelsmanand the woes of psychic dating.

@edstonefrench:
1: Nonsense, I say! 2: Try hairshirt. And Velcro. 1: Don’t let them know. 2: Mustard, and fulcrum. 1: (whisper) See to it.

@stevenberkowitz:
MITTENS: When I’m elected president …

@lex6m:
Moderator: Afghanistan position? Mitt: I love rugs. I keep them in binders. Fire rug teachers! Too much love makes the baby go blind.

@raffine9:
You: différance, difference, différance, difference Me: supplement

@musicisfreenow:
Codger: fund socks diff diff dickcissel disks whir civil? Coco: nc coded click skip sox SOS vids. Sick Cossack.

@mopula1:
A: What the hell happened to you? What’s the matter? B: budamuhbudamuhzzz A: Jesus you look shellshocked. B: mrrrhrrrhrrrhurtsz!!

2 from @mightytoycannon:
A: What’s your plan? B: I have a 5 point plan: 1) Glert; 2) Blarf; 3) Kazzang; 4) Biffle; & 5) Zerg. A: Makes no sense. B: So?
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A: Why are you sad? B: Hnng. A: Can I help? B: Unngha. A: Okay, I’m leaving then. B: Wait! A: What? B: Nrrrf.

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Twitter plays, part CLXXXV

It’s Twitter Plays CLXXXV! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that features a PSYCHIC.

Here are your plays starting with @HeidiHandelsman and the woes of psychic dating.

@HeidiHandelsman:
Psychics on a first date. They meet. Look into each other’s eyes. PSYCHIC 1 slaps PSYCHIC 2 in the face. Both weep. “Check please.”

@rjgore3:
1: Excuse me. 2: Twenty-Three. 1: Wow! Thanks.

@epfeffin:
1: Behold. I can see the future. This… will end anticlimactically. (Pause.) 2: Duuude.

@DonnettaLavinia:
Man: BOO!! Physic: Aaaaggh! Jesus! What the hell!! Where did you…? Man: Exactly. (Beat) Physic: How’d you like that refund?

3 from @mightytoycannon:
A: I went to a psychic today. B: And? A: I will die alone and leave no trace. B: But I’ll remember you. A: You’re dying first.
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A: Who will win the election? B: My crystal ball tells me that today’s polls are all wrong. A: Um. Not helpful.
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A: I see a troubled future for you. B: Can you be more specific? A: Sorry, you’re going to have to download the premium app for that.

2 from @ShaneStraw:
Lights up. NYNF- Your assignment, please write— (Psychic appears) Psychic - …a 1-tweet play that features a psychic. Lights.
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Lights up on empty room. Psychic crying over another failed final four bracket. Curtain. 

@loladiana:
Hi this is 1-800 futur…. Mark? Mom? How’d you find me? I’m your son ain’t I? (Please enter cc # now) Mom? Yes? Dads dead I know 

@TheWriteSteph:
A psychic got a voodoo doll to hex her cheating man and best friend; put pins in the head and on the crotch. Which will fall off 1st?

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Twitter plays, part CLXXXIV

It’s Twitter Plays CLXXXIV! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that takes place IN THE FUTURE.

Here are your plays starting with @DrSomething who needs to give the time machine a little more gas.

@DrSomething:
A (exits time machine, sees B in shiny space suit):How far into the future did I travel? B:Halloween.You probably have library fines.

2 from @ThatsDaveWithaD:
Jeff: Back in my day MTV used to actually air Reality Shows. Grandson: Wow! Why are they playing music now?
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Me: I love watching these science programs on TLC. Son: Yeah, all the cool kids at school love TLC’s science stuff

@emmakdg:
"SIRI, PLEASE! IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" "I found 12 funeral home links for you." "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!"

@jaydenat:
Boy: Dad, were you alive when Twitter was a thing? Future Me: Yes. B: You’re old! FM: My life is now about embarrassing you. Happy?

@bolocoharvard:
Max: Its almost 1:30. Zax: Uh oh, only 10 minutes to appease our burrito overlords. Max: Lets have our mandatory Boloco burritos now.

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Twitter plays, part CLXXXII

It’s Twitter Plays CLXXXII! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that takes features FACIAL HAIR.

Here are your plays starting with @lessthankyle and a stage direction that would have kept me on stage until my late 20s.

@lessthankyle:
[A child is on stage. He may not leave until he becomes a man.]

@mightytoycannon:
A: That’s quite a beard you have. B: Would you like to stroke it? A: Sure. [stroke’s B’s beard] I feel wiser already. B: You should.

@mopula1:
MS X: Men w beards I dont get it MS Y: Wanna try my boyfriend? X: Sure *X &MsY’s bearded bf leave then come back* MS X: Now I get it!

@DavidMVentura:
2 Men at a bar: 1: Who do you think had a better beard? Leonardo or Michelangelo? 2: Trick questions. Turtles don’t grow beards.

@oklazoogal:
GIRL1: what will you do, now that you’ve fallen in love with a gay man? GIRL2: grow a beard.

@kotagogo:
Bobby: (holding a snow-white beard) Oh. Santa. Oh.

@jeremyteresa:
(Lights on GAY MAN WITH MOUSTACHE) GMWM: I am gay. Here’s my moustache. Where’s my…? (His WIFE enters) Oh. (Bows)

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Twitter plays, part CLXXXI

It’s Twitter Plays CLXXXI! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that takes place in HELL.

Here are your plays starting with @BethOnePage and a commuter in the afterlife.

@BethOnePage:
A: Welcome to hell, a place of untold torment and dread! There is no escape! B: Thanks. Do you validate parking?

@BrooklynJuggler:
In hell, Chad goes to get coffee, but there is only decaf. Chad cries. Exeunt

@cindymariej:
LTS @ FULL. VO: & The next President of the United States is: Mitt Romney. LTS OUT. VO: Well, f*ck. THE END.

2 from @mightytoycannon:
A: It’s hot down here. B: You’re telling me. A: You know what’s worse? B: No, what? A: No wifi. B: Damn.
&
A: I thought it would be worse. B: It’s hot, but a dry heat. A: How long are you in for? B: Forever. A: Me too. B: There’s the rub.

@TBoneTechniques:
T-Bone taught the Devil to dance. IN HELL.

@tallpolishgirl:
I pluck the hair from my head one strand at a time as I sit in my cubicle listening to the demon next to me slurp his yogurt

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Twitter plays, part CLXXX

It’s Twitter Plays CLXXX! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that takes place in/around a TREE.

Here are your plays starting with @iammrbubs who seemed a bit disappointed that the assignment was not evil enough.

@iammrbubs:
After feasting on flesh and fire, Cthulhu then ate a tree. He felt meh afterward. Because it was a tree.

@ZTimmyCaldwell:
T: I think we should call it “The Tree of Life.” God: I was leaning more towards “oak.” T: How about— God: Seriously, I got this.

@newageamazon:
1: Our love will last forever, just like this tree! 2: Someday, that tree will die or be cut down. And I’m bored with you already.

@KirinMcCrory:
1&2 sit facing aud, look confused 1: Wait, is this movie about a tree? 2: …Of life. 1: …Whoa… -Fin-

@sgnp:
Keebler Elf 1: How come there are no GIRL elves? Keebler Elf 2: Don’t assume, fucker.

@thebaronessa:
GUNTHER: Don’t be afraid of da trapeeze. ENGLEBERT: Vee have no net! GUNTHER: Just let go! Ah one anna two anna tree! Oops! Scheiße! 

@jaydenat:
Tree: I’m gonna kill myself and no one is around to know or hear or care. Other tree: I hear you. Don’t be so goddamn human-centric.

@chrstnejschmdt:
Lights up on a Bagel Tree. Projection: BAGEL TREE BRINGS WORLD PEACE! End of play.

@DavidMVentura:
Bee: Wanna pollinate? Giving Tree: I’ve got this thing going on with a little boy. It’s going to last forever. Bee: Angiosperms Psh.

@Markenstern:
Hear me Piglet! I’ve eaten the honey of this World Tree and become like unto a stuffed bear god. Now and forever, I am POOH!

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