THIS BEARS EXPLAINATION (2012 Longest Running TML play!)

© 2012, Jeffrey Cranor

Neo 1 enters, holds up some complex chart.

Neo 2 enters, holds up a sign that reads: “This Bears Explanation”

Neo 3 enters and clears throat.

Beat.

Neo 2 underlines “Bears” and draws an apostrophe before the “s.” (“This Bear’s Explanation!” get it?)

Neo 3 dons a bear mask.

Neo 3 growls and makes large open-palmed gestures at the chart, attempting to explain what it is to the audience. Then Neo 3 knocks the chart out of Neo 1’s hands and tries to maul Neo 1. This goes on for a bit.

Curtain

Therapism

© 2010 Therapism Jeffrey Cranor

[Eevin center in a chair, facing forward. Jeffrey up right in a chair, facing Eevin. Ryan in the house with flood light. Jeffrey has a pad and pen. Other Neos are backstage.]

Jeffrey: Tell me. What upsets you?

Eevin: Lots of things. People. Confrontation. Being misunderstood.

Jeffrey: [making large doodling marks on pad] Uh huh. Yes. I see.

Eevin: Sometimes I neither like nor trust anyone in a room.

Jeffrey: I see. Good. Continue. [Lights out.]

Eevin: I don’t know. It’s hard to define. [Beat. Other neos onstage whispering/giggling.] I hear whispering and giggling.

Jeffrey: There’s not so much giggling.

Eevin: I can hear Alicia in there.

Jeffrey: [Other neos exit. Lights up.] Nobody. Look at the people in front of you. Do you trust them?

[JC puts on latex gloves.]

Eevin: I don’t know. I don’t know them. It’s hard to see individual faces. Are you putting on latex gloves? [Lights out]

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LEGALIZE TIME TRAVEL!

© 2007, Jeffrey Cranor

[ Jeffrey stands center. As the monologue is delivered, Claudia brings him a chair. He sits. Claudia exits into the audience. Then, Joe enters and puts a chair right next to him. Joe exits into the audience. ]

I want to ask my future self, “Do you remember how fun this was? Living in New York? Being a Neo-Futurist? Doing this show every week? Being in the first five years of your marriage? No kids? Enough money not to worry? Not enough to be complacent? No known illnesses? It was pretty fucking great, Future Me. I hope your memories are as fresh and vibrant as this moment. I wonder what life is like for you-in your time.”

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