Twitter plays, part CLXXXII
It’s Twitter Plays CLXXXII! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that takes features FACIAL HAIR.
Here are your plays starting with @lessthankyle and a stage direction that would have kept me on stage until my late 20s.
[A child is on stage. He may not leave until he becomes a man.]
A: That’s quite a beard you have. B: Would you like to stroke it? A: Sure. [stroke’s B’s beard] I feel wiser already. B: You should.
MS X: Men w beards I dont get it MS Y: Wanna try my boyfriend? X: Sure *X &MsY’s bearded bf leave then come back* MS X: Now I get it!
2 Men at a bar: 1: Who do you think had a better beard? Leonardo or Michelangelo? 2: Trick questions. Turtles don’t grow beards.
GIRL1: what will you do, now that you’ve fallen in love with a gay man? GIRL2: grow a beard.
Bobby: (holding a snow-white beard) Oh. Santa. Oh.
(Lights on GAY MAN WITH MOUSTACHE) GMWM: I am gay. Here’s my moustache. Where’s my…? (His WIFE enters) Oh. (Bows)
272 actors, outdoors in Lincoln beards. Each actor recites one word of Gettysburg Address, tosses beard onto pile. Ignite pile.
MOVEMBR: I am the crowning glory of the year bringing to fruition months of care and toil!! FEB: More like 2/6 of The Village People
3 from @lex6m:
R: Why are you growing that stache? B: Because I’m a man and because I can. And, it makes look super sexy. R: Well you’re half right.
Barb: May I shave u w/this straight razor? Z: Where? B:Why your beard of course! Z: Are u a barber? B:My name is Barb! Z: Right. Sure
? na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BAT-TACHE! ? https://twitter.com/lex6m/status/250784480036524033/photo/1
Edward: my beard makes me irresistible! MELINDA SHAVES BEARD WHILE HE SLEEPS. Edward: my beard! Melinda: it was never the beard.
Depilatory Smurf: Now you’ll be just like the rest of us! (holds up razor) Papa Smurf: Nooooooooooo!
Barber: (finishing haircut) All done sir! Client: (looking in mirror) I said JUST the facial hair! Barber: oh. Blackout
A: I dont believe it’s you. B: It’s me. A: But you look completely different! B: I… shaved! END OF PLAY
Wife on cell phone. Walks down hall. Fumbles with many keys on keyring. “No, it’s not instagram. His beard really is blue.”
Lights up on a bar in Brooklyn. A woman enters. She orders a whisky and looks around at a sea of men. “I’m in heaven”
BARBER What can I do for u? YOUNG HITLER I want a ‘stach, but the whole “handlebar thing” isn’t 4me. (BARBER thinks)
And that is our ender for this week!
Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.