Twitter plays, part CLXXXI
It’s Twitter Plays CLXXXI! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that takes place in HELL.
Here are your plays starting with @BethOnePage and a commuter in the afterlife.
A: Welcome to hell, a place of untold torment and dread! There is no escape! B: Thanks. Do you validate parking?
In hell, Chad goes to get coffee, but there is only decaf. Chad cries. Exeunt
LTS @ FULL. VO: & The next President of the United States is: Mitt Romney. LTS OUT. VO: Well, f*ck. THE END.
2 from @mightytoycannon:
A: It’s hot down here. B: You’re telling me. A: You know what’s worse? B: No, what? A: No wifi. B: Damn.
A: I thought it would be worse. B: It’s hot, but a dry heat. A: How long are you in for? B: Forever. A: Me too. B: There’s the rub.
T-Bone taught the Devil to dance. IN HELL.
I pluck the hair from my head one strand at a time as I sit in my cubicle listening to the demon next to me slurp his yogurt
3 from @Javispa:
Man and Woman arrive in Hell. MAN: Well, it’s not nearly as bad as I thought. WOMAN: No hot water though. MAN: What? WOMAN: Get it?
In Hell, the Devil and a DJ DEVIL: Know any dubstep? DJ: Not funny.
Javier and the Devil in hell. JAVIER: It’s good to write Twitter Plays again. DEVIL: You’re a son of a bitch. JAVIER: Yes. Yes I am.
Lights up. Mitt Romney strides in from L, w/ suitcases. Romney: Hello, Paradise Planet! Hello? Paradise Planet? (pause) Oh. Dang it.
2 men, both wearing parkas. M1: You know, I always thought it would be hotter here. M2: Dammit! That means Romney won the election.
[Scene: a fiery crevasse in the earth.] 1: Is this hell? [enter Dave Navarro] DN: Yes, it is. 1: I KNEW YOU WERE THE DEVIL.
(lights up on a Republican fundraising event in Florida, May 2012)
Someone finally fixed the air conditioning in hell. As it turns out, they were in heaven all along. — S
(Hades and Persephone eat breakfast in silence) Persephone: My mom’s not going to be happy about this. Blackout.
God: I’ve been trying to smite Cheney for years - wtf? Satan: yeah, we got some new stuff. Monsanto & DuPont got peeps here.
Tonite on NO EXIT HOUSE…J:Esty,join my alliance—we’ll be rid of Inès! I:No,Esty,join me! JOAN:Hell has voted—no one leaves! J,I&E:Aw…
Man: I have to push a rock up the hill for ever? Demon: First you must read the health & safety manual. Man: Could you just punch me?
Bub: This is it? Satan: What’d you expect? Bub: I dunno. Satan: Well, I’m tired of your sass! Shut the Hell up! Hohoho! I slay me!
(A and Satan walk across the scorching sands of hell) A: Why do I only see 1 set of footprints? Satan: Mine are the hoofprints, duh!
Gotye,Nikki&Carly,on 3 chaises,sing their songs all at once on repeat.Finding no exit,the audience self-immolates.
*Big Bad Bart dies and finds himself in hell* BART: Hey Mom what are you doing down here? MOM: Cooking socks. BART: Dang it’s true.
Man: Are you furious? Woman: How do you think you got here?
Jim “I’m in my own personal Hell.” Satan “Nah this is mine” sodomy
ROWAN ATKINSON: What the!? DEVIL: Sorry, big fan, just HAD to see you! Pleeease say that line? RA:[sigh] You may call me “Toby”…
1. Hell seems a bit harsh 2. feels about right to me 1. but you’re in the 1% 2. so are you 1. oh.
A 1st date: The man: “Embarrassed as I am, I admit, I look at porn.” W: “Likewise, I admit, I’ve made some.” M: “I know.”
(Lights up on Texas, summer) Man-What? It counts!
It does, indeed. And that is our ender for this week!
Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.