Twitter plays, part CLXXX
It’s Twitter Plays CLXXX! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that takes place in/around a TREE.
Here are your plays starting with @iammrbubs who seemed a bit disappointed that the assignment was not evil enough.
After feasting on flesh and fire, Cthulhu then ate a tree. He felt meh afterward. Because it was a tree.
T: I think we should call it “The Tree of Life.” God: I was leaning more towards “oak.” T: How about— God: Seriously, I got this.
1: Our love will last forever, just like this tree! 2: Someday, that tree will die or be cut down. And I’m bored with you already.
1&2 sit facing aud, look confused 1: Wait, is this movie about a tree? 2: …Of life. 1: …Whoa… -Fin-
Keebler Elf 1: How come there are no GIRL elves? Keebler Elf 2: Don’t assume, fucker.
GUNTHER: Don’t be afraid of da trapeeze. ENGLEBERT: Vee have no net! GUNTHER: Just let go! Ah one anna two anna tree! Oops! Scheiße!
Tree: I’m gonna kill myself and no one is around to know or hear or care. Other tree: I hear you. Don’t be so goddamn human-centric.
Lights up on a Bagel Tree. Projection: BAGEL TREE BRINGS WORLD PEACE! End of play.
Bee: Wanna pollinate? Giving Tree: I’ve got this thing going on with a little boy. It’s going to last forever. Bee: Angiosperms Psh.
Hear me Piglet! I’ve eaten the honey of this World Tree and become like unto a stuffed bear god. Now and forever, I am POOH!
Ann (tied to a tree, chanting): Chop this tree; chop down hist’ry! Dev: We’re building a hospital here. (Ann unties herself).
A: I feel rootbound. Need to stretch my limbs. Branch out a little. B: Is that all? A: Well, I wish you’d quit peeing on me too.
HER: Oh, no! Not Mama’s tree! HIM: Uh huh. A storm done it. Just like she said it would. A storm.
May: Well we climbed the tree, now what? Fay: I don’t know, I’m kinda hungry. May: Me too, burritos? Fay: Yeah! I know a great place!
Pickle: CLEARLY I DONT GROW THIS WAY Pumpkin: Ill suck your ground food! Grass: Just look at it! Leaf: weeeeeeeeee!
Apple: Hey, I seem to have fallen! Can anybody help me? Hello?! (Dog comes by and takes bite of apple.) Apple: AAAH! OH GOD WHY?!?!
JUDGE: U charge the 2 males of the Elm Family as spies? DA: No, not the tree-father, Your Honor, just the tree-son.
She: I love the Fall. Here we are apple pickin’ He: Pickin’? I thought you’re from Manhattan. She: I am! Manhattan, Kansas. Hahaha!!
F: O my son! Why’d you nail yourself to this tree? S: To make it my cross. F: (sawing) What?! For what sin? S: The death of the tree.
A. Once I was in a tree & I saw so much, I even saw myself. B. Whoa. That’s heavy. A. And then I remembered I was on acid. B. Oh.
THEM: let’s destroy this tree. THEY: We live here. THEM: Oh, Sorry.
She was patient in her trunk. She worked the inside with her fingers, crunching shards of oak. Gauge spit crunch. And on for 20 yrs.
M: Whatcha doin’ innat tree O: Hiding M: How long it took u 2hollow that out O: Found it this way M: Well I saw u right away O: shit.
Trader 1: Meet me under the buttonwood tree. I’ll sell you a share in my co. and you sell me one of yours. 2: It’ll never catch on.
(autumn leaves plays in background as woman dances around a tree center stage) Narrator: A tree cannot change its leaves.
The Giving Tree was old and regretful now. “No More!” he cries and stings the Crow upon his stump with a splinter.
1:get dwn 2: y 1:tree’s 2 small 4 u 2:u r rt (steps off-tree str8ns) 2: whr can I bild my treehouse 1:not n Xmas tree
[lights up, ENTS fill the stage. Sound of wind sighing, ENT1’s leaves rustle] ENT2: Really? [exeunt all but ENT1, covering noses]
And that is our ender for this week!
Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.