Twitter plays, part CLXXVI
It’s Twitter Plays CLXXVI! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that features an [IMPOSSIBLE STAGE DIRECTION].
Here are your plays starting with @TheWoosterGroup and maybe the impossible-est of impossible?
Fan:”Justin, could you come over here and write a really great song?” / Justin Bieber: “Sure.” [He does]
(MANAGING DIRECTOR enters.) MD: What if there were no theatre? (Audience members find themselves at home, feeling unexplained loss.)
2 from @mightytoycannon:
Escher & Mobius at café. Escher rises. M: Where r u you going? E: Up these stairs. Back in a sec. [climbs impossible staircase]
Curtain up on Immovable Object. Irresistable Force enters. Narrator: There will be no intermission.
MISTRESS: i think i hear the front door! MAN: are you sure? WIFE: (offstage) honey! im home! MAN: oh shit! [MAN melts into floor]
(Exeunt omnes) HIGGS (from off stage): Eh? BOSON(from the lobby): Meh! HIGGS (from another space-time continuum): Pfft!
Godot [ENTERING]: Hey guys, I made it!
INTERNET: I have hidden the key to human happiness in me, just seek it out. MAN: Huh. I guess porn can wait. [He searches.]
A: You okay? B: Fragile. I think I could fall apart any second. Am I coherent? A: Sure. [A BLOWS ON B, B DEMATERIALIZES] Wrong again.
guy1: Awe yeah, lets drive this to Atlantis! guy2: woohoo! (turns key) awe man it wont start. guy1: ok lets ride elephants again.
Man: Hello. Woman: Hi there. (they do absolutely nothing for 4 minutes 33 seconds.)
Actor: I guess we’ll never know why Hamlet waited. Shakespeare: (arriving in his time machine) Oh, no?
Web [levitating a small dog]: There is no hope, ToTo. ToTo: Bark! Bark! Web: I’m sorry but this is the way it shall be. [they vanish]
(Lightning strikes stage, Congress appears) Congress: We agree on how to fix the economy! (Exit pursued by a bear market)
In the desert of the real. [Cthulhu waits]
(Lights up. The actors enter. The play is very good. The actors exit. Lights out.)
MAN: let there be light (the entire theater collapses exposing the matinee audience to the noon day sun.
DAVID: Hey. I’m about to give birth to this armoir. GREG: What? David strips naked, births an armoir. Greg rests a beer on armoir.
fly upstage turn rightish-leftish until you’re facing the audience who hates tmlmtbgb (said audience doesn’t exsist)
“The curtain opens to reveal all of life, its mysteries, the meaning behind existence to republican intellectuals”
Neo1: [stands, paces] Neo2: [sits, whistles or hums] Neo1: [trips] Neo2: [rotflmao]
Hank: Who’s your favorite? Mya: Probably Congressman Ryan. Hank: *doesnt laugh*
[The audience’s minds are literally blown, and the ceiling dented by the roof of their skulls. Thunderous applause.]
A: Does it feel like the ground is shaking? B: Yeah, kinda - [giant SANDWORM tears up through floor,eats both,dives back down]
[Exit, pursued by a bear] - A Winter’s Tale III.iii (I’m sure Shakespeare he won’t mind though - his copyright has expired)
WOMAN: You’re doing great! One more push! MAN: You did this to me! [MAN grunts loudly at length then gives birth.]
J: We just won the $540 mil jackpot! S: [back handspring, triple back flip, triple Lundy to top diving board, inward twist into pool]
A: You said we’d do WHAT?! B: Too late now *Enter God* GOD: Ok you promised you’d eat the cosmos 4 me. Here it is! *A & B eat cosmos*
2 from @benhauck:
A: Anything is possible. B: Not true. I can’t be 5 years old again. A: Sure you can. [A does.] B: Will you marry me?
[Audience gets up, walks onstage & puts $100 bills in each actor’s pockets. It then cleans up after itself & goes.]
A 3 ring Circus. Clown: Where is the elephant? [A RUMBLING, through the ground shoots the elephant carried by the REAL Superman]
HOUSE MANAGER: please turn off your cellphones and enjoy the show. [LIGHTS UP AS ABYSS OPENS UNDER AUDIENCE & ALL DIE BLACK DEATH] :(
And that frowny face is our ender for this week!
Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.
And you can check out previous Twitter Plays here: Favorites at Twitter.