Twitter plays, part CLXXI
It’s Twitter Plays CLXXI! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that features MERMAIDS.
Here are your plays starting with @PrimroseMK who’s tackling the primary issue of mermaid/human romance.
Man and mermaid kiss. Mermaid: Take me! Take me now! (man looks down) Man: Uh, how? (ex-girlfriend enters, laughs her ass off)
A mermaid sings a siren song. Sailors fling themselves on the rocks. She makes a call: “When do my health insurance benefits kick in?”
A depressed mermaid sits on a dock in NYC. Mermaid: Shit, that was nothing like “Splash!” She dives into a dirty Hudson River.
Jessica: I asked the Mermaid. She said that Chicken of the Sea is a mammal that looks like a dolphin w/wings and can sometimes fly.
Manatee: Wow, is that a mermaid? [distant figure swims closer] Oh no, it’s just a human.
MAN: ive finally gotten you alone (MAN undresses) MERMAID: lets - the pile of eggs are in the corner. do you need encouragment?
A: Something smells fishy. B: Jesus Christ! I’ve had it with you! Love me, love my tail! A: But… B: Go to hell.
9 MERMAIDS (gravely): the savagery of your gawking outshines even our beauty. pray we leave your ship intact. SAILOR: ha! (dies/fire)
Man: SO glad I picked “give me a fish” option. Neptunia: Glub! *affectionate kiss* Man: Who likes fishing,anyway! *Benny Hill music*
A: Hey Sailor! Want some fish tail? B: Tempting, but you have a branding problem. Can I call you something other than “Sea Cow”?
SHE:No! HE:But they’re so beautiful, the singing, the boobies. SHE:I’m warning you! MERMAIDS:CHOMP schlurp burp. SHE: You’re welcome.
MERMAIDS: (singing) A Prufrock Prufrock…ohhhh…said we gotta go. PRUFROCK: Oh, hey, thanks! I guess I was wrong.
[1red light up on man bound in wet/white rope] Aycayia: So, Mr. Kent [harpoon click] manatees R a sexier cause than polar bears, yes?
ME: Write a play about mermaids? But I wrote one about merbla- THE REST OF THE WORLD: Heather! Stop your shameless self-promotion!
Mermaid: Do these shells make my tail look fat? Dolphin: *clicks* Mermaid: I need new friends.
MERMAIDS: we only wanted to drown her a little bit. WENDY: well okay then. PETER: WTF NEVERLAND IS SUPPOSED TO BE PARADISE.
WINONA: “Heathers” this ain’t. HOSKINS: This ‘Ollywood script is shoite. CHER: What?! The kid drowns in this one!
MERMAID: but i love you mr. baits! MERBUTLER: no, you mustn’t, anna! the law says i must spawn with another! #downtonabbsea
Mermaid and Tom Hanks lay in bed. Tom is naked. Mermaid smokes. Tom: That was…different. Mermaid (aside): Fuck Daryl Hannah.
ANNOUNCER:Tonight,the role of Martha will be played by Sersi the Mermaid… MARTHA:Snap, George! It just went snap! (Flips fins at him)
Mermaid: there is no escape from the soulburning sensation of Cthulu. Man: that’s what she said! *both explode, as they are ghosts*
[PIRATES drag on MERMAIDS] P1:Here we are cap’n,some real pieces of tail! C[deadpan]:One more pun like that and you walk the plank.
NOAA Rep: No evidence of aquatic humanoids has been found. Noah: I could’ve told you that. Radio listener: You just did…
Mermaids? more like dime store fellatio vending machines. “She’s a mermaid” “Bollocks -she’s a prostitute” “yes but with a fin”
Free diver(M), 100m deep, drowning. Mermaid appears & they make out, she breathing air into him. “what do I tell my bf?”, he worries.
enter fish in French maid outfit. Man: ew. Fish: not as attractive as you thought, eh? M: no, I just hate the French. Start cleaning.
And that is our ender for this week!
Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.
And you can check out previous Twitter Plays here: Favorites at Twitter.