Twitter plays, part CLXIX
It’s Twitter Plays CLXIX! This week’s assignment was: write a 1-tweet play that features a PENGUIN.
Here are your plays starting with @doenahld and the hidden dangers of bird-related prayer.
GIRL: dear God, make me a bird so I can fly away from here. GOD (turning her into a penguin): Stop bitching
F: I’ll have a grilled Penguin on rye please. Waiter: Good sir. Would you like cheese with that? F: What? And ruin a great sandwich!?
Penguin: Squonk! Other Penguin: Chirp chirp squonk. Pengiun: Squinkle? Other Penguin: Ha! Squonk chirp burble. Penguin: Squirble!
PENGUIN: I wish I could fly. EAGLE: I wish I could wear a tux. PENGUIN: It’s not a tux. EAGLE: Well, that sucks for you.
The penguin enters, whirls like a sufi dervish while video fish school behind him. At the end he eats 3 fish. Exit SR
Scene: Midnight dreary. Ghost: Adieu! Adieu! Remember me. Quoth the penguin: Elsinore.
(Antarctica, squawks of penguins.) BURGESS MEREDITH (on his knees, holding broken glasses): It’s just not fair.
BALE<freaking out>: Are you a professional? F____ your monocle! F___ your umbrella! I’m a star! What the f___ is your problem, bird?
A penguin leaves his broken home, becomes a punk/Krshna, girlfriend OD’s, turns on news, wakes up #penguinzenarcade
And now a scene from George Kaufman and Arthur Miller’s DEATH OF A SALESMAN WHO CAME TO DINNER…LINDA: EEEEK! A penguin bit me!
Emperor: I shall send three legions in the water to defeat the orca. King: I will give you 2 of mine! Humboldt: HOOPER DOO!
CHORUS: “you will never fly, penguin” PENGUIN on snow-covered cliff. “YOU WILL NEVER FLY, PENGUIN. YOU WILL—” penguin jumps BLACKOUT
Macaroni Penguin: They called me mad! Maaaaaaaad! Emperor Penguin: Because of the eyebrows? MP: Yes.
Penguins think of the world as one big snowball.
2 from @jeremyteresa:
“…our live-action focus group on Academy Awards Hosting. Surprise! Now, who’s wearing a tux? We need you: center. Sir, your egg!”
[subway doors open. PENGUIN scoots in] [beat] “This is the filthiest collection of open-toed footwear I’ve seen since…ever. Gah!!”
OPUS: I’d like to thank the academy! TENESSEE TUXEDO: Bitch, please. O:I’m practicing. TT:Just keep marching. VO: They keep marching
the penguins decided to go out to lunch…they ordered iceburgers.
you can’t start a fire… you can’t start a fire without a spark.. this penguin’s for hire even if were just waddling in the dark
BORRIS (at an audition for Happy Feet): God I hope I get it.
P1: nice party P2: u look sharp P1: this old thing? p2: good food P1: had sushi last night P2: its warm P1: should we go? p2: yes
Mechanic: “Looks like you blew a seal.” Penguin: “No, no. I just had a vanilla ice cream cone.” Finis
*Nun beats student* STU:This is the LAST time u will beat me! NUN:The devil’s got u! *Stu throws nun out window*STU: Fly penguin fly!
SEAL (At A Penguin’s Bar Mitvah): How did everyone else know this was black tie?
And that is our catechismic ender for this week!
Again, leave more plays in the comments if we left them out, or direct message us at Twitter: @nyneofuturists.
And you can check out previous Twitter Plays here: Favorites at Twitter.