The Follicle Folies Bergere… Or Yes I CAN-CAN Rock A Beard!
The play is called. There is a mic center stage. The classic music for the Can-Can begins. On the first 4 counts the spinny doors flip to reveal Nicole wearing a can-can like skirt as well as a picture of 2 bearded ladies. At the end of this phrase Nicole swishes her skirt. On the second 4 counts the spinny doors flip to reveal another set of bearded divas. At the end of the phrase Nicole advances toward the mic swishing her skirt.
Nicole sings the following to the tune of the Cancan:
I don’t grow hair upon my legs…
I don’t grow hair upon my arms…
If hair were there no one would stare…
Or sound the side show freak alarm!
But, I grow hair upon my chin, which long has filled me with chagrin!
But pluck not plaintive violins… And fuck the shaving of my skin!
Dare I say it? Put me in the Looney bin…
I’m not shaving… Just don’t tell my next of kin!
Dare I try it? Clearly I’m a pioneer…
Weird disquiet! But I think it might be nice, it might be nice, it might be nice…
Kate & Cecil pop their heads out of the left and right curtains and say:
Kate/Cecil: She said it thrice! Nicole: I said it thrice
Nicole: To try and rock a beard, a beard a beard a beard!
As Nicole sings the following Kate & Cecil burst through the curtains wearing Can-Can like skirts. Kate sports a fake beard & Cecil lipstick. They dance across the stage and join Nicole in time to sing the second verse.
Nicole: Oh, pluck… Depilatory! Shave … wax… you know the story! Why is it a sin to have hair on my chinny chin chin? Men sprout facial glory…I’m told less is morey! Seems I just can’t win…With stubble on my skin!
Kate & Cecil: Tweeze… depilatory! Shave … wax… you know the story! Why is it a sin to have hair on her chinny chin chin? Men sprout facial glory…She’s told less is morey! Seems she just can’t win…With stubble on her skin!
At the end of this phrase Nicole will flip her skirt in can-can fashion. She exposes her derrière & shouts woo, attached to her rear end is a scroll. Cecil grabs it and hands it to Nicole. Cecil & Kate then flank Nicole & swish their Can-Can shirts while she reads.
Nicole: You are about to hear my… “YES-I-CAN-CAN-A-FESTO”!
The left spinny doors spin to reveal a picture of Nicole in a moustache and beard.
Nicole: Brooking follicular convention… For as long as this play is in the menu: I will not Shave… Wax… Pluck… Tweeze… Laser… Elec-tro-lyze… Or in any other fashion snatch hair from my face & neck …I’ll then blog about what it’s like to take it on the chin as a burgeoning bearded lady.
This is week number (fill in the blank)… Who wants a feel?
Nicole/Cecil/Kate (Turn to expose their derrières): Woo!