PSA: In case you're like me.

PSA: In case you’re like me.

This play is ideally done with 5 neos - Eevin plus four - although it could be done with three. Eevin stands center and is flanked by pairs of neos holding up pictures of the celebrities they (and Eevin) are talking about as points of reference.

Eevin: I want you to know that I, too, am prone to mistakes and mixups. So in order to help you avoid some of the embarrassing situations I’ve suffered, I offer the following:

1 & 2 enter.

Eevin: Gertrude Stein did NOT masquerade as a playboy bunny. That was Gloria Steinem.

1: Stein - American avant-garde writer and art collector who lived in Paris and was friends with Matisse, Picasso, Thornton Wilder and Earnest Hemingway among others. Heavyset unattractive lesbian.

2: Steinem - American feminist icon, writer and journalist. DID go undercover at the playboy mansion - as depicted in the ABC TV movie “A Bunny’s Tale.” Married to Christian Bale’s dad and kind of a hottie herself, actually.

1 & 2 exit as 3 & 4 enter.

Eevin: Warren Buffet and Jimmy Buffet are, disappointingly, not the same person.

3: Warren is a business man and investor with a reported net worth of 6.2 billion dollars who is often mentioned on NPR.

4: Jimmy is a singer/songwriter best known for the song “margaritaville.” His net worth isn’t mentioned on Wikipedia, but we do know that he owns the Margaritaville Restaurant Chain, so he’s probably doing okay.

3 & 4 exit as 1 & 2 enter

Eevin: Sidney Pollack, who passed away recently, is not living abroad as a fugitive of American Justice for having sex with a 13 year old, nor was his wife murdered by the Manson family.

2: That’s Roman Polansky, German film maker known for all-around creepiness and the films “Rosemary’s Baby” and “Chinatown”

1: Sidney Pollack is, in fact, an American director known for “Tootsie” and “Out of Africa” who also did some acting later in his career and who wasn’t particularly creepy at all.

Eevin: Sorry, Sidney.

1 & 2 exit as 3 & 4 enter

Eevin: Richard Chamberlin of thorn birds fame did NOT brag about having sex with 20,000 women -

4: - that was Wilt Chamberlin famous basketball player of the ‘60’s and early ‘70’s.

3: In fact, Richard Chamberlin is gay - which makes much more sense if you’ve seen the Thorn Birds

4: although Wilt Chamberlin did “act” in the film Conan the Destroyer.

3 & 4 exit as 1 & 2 enter. 3 & 4 quickly reenter on 4’s side holding additional pictures of young blonde actresses I have trouble recognizing.

Eevin: Finally, as I understand it, Adrienne Ballon is a young blonde actress whose picture I see in US weekly but who is not the same person as other young blonde actresses in US weekly … You’re just going to have to cut me some slack on that one.