Do You Know The Muffin Man, No Longer a Boy

©2006 Ryan Good

5 neos sit cross legged at foot of stage facing the audience. Neo 6 (Ryan) is standing on a block holding a mixing bowl and a spoon. He places each ingredient (which is still in it’s box) into bowl as they say ingredient.

A: ½ ¾ cup shortening

B: 1 cup sugar

C: 2 eggs

D: 1 cup milk

E: 3 cups bleached white flour

A: 3 teaspoons baking powder

B: ¼ teaspoon nutmeg

C: Blueberries

D: Cranberries

E: Cinnamon Sugar

R: They were called French breakfast puffs, but we called ‘em muffins. The recipe came from my aunt’s high school home ec. Class at Newton South High and was typed on a 5 x7 card that would get quite stained from use.

A: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine shortening and sugar into a bowl.

R: Mix them together using your bare hands because the spatula is much less effective and fun. Then, use spatula on your hands to scrape mixture off.

B: Combine eggs and milk in another bowl.

R: Crack the eggs carefully or suffer the painful task of fishing for eggshells in a slimy sea of egg.

C: Combine flour, baking powder, and nutmeg in a third bowl. Mix all 3 bowls together

R: Third bowl? No way. Use the bowl with the shortening/sugar mix. You don’t want to have to clean a third bowl. It’ll be fine. By the way, this is another opportunity to mix with your hands again.

D: Grease muffin tins. Fill evenly with batter and fruit or filling of choice.

R: 6 Blueberry, 6 Cranberry, 6 Cinnamon Sugar. Take four or five cranberries/blueberries for each muffin and push ‘em to different heights so the fruit is evenly spread. For the cinnamon sugar, the trick is to put a layer of cinnamon sugar in the middle and then another layer on top.

E: Bake for 12 – 16 minutes. Let cool. Yields 18 muffins.

Ryan stops stirring. Neos turn towards him and become the audience.

R: This play is not a memorial, a poignant homage at a fitting time, or a symbolic gesture of someone lost.

This play is about muffins. The eighteen small muffins that this recipe yields. This play is a about Sunday traditions. 416 Sunday late mornings and early afternoons from 1990 to 1998.

Ryan exits to backstage.

R: (from backstage) I lied. This play is about me. About my childhood and my nostalgia. This play is a self-involved personal memory and is probably an uninteresting waste of time for most of you.

Sound cue: Bell. Ryan walks out on stage carrying a giant muffin. On “As an apology” he hands the muffin to an audience member.

R: I’m sorry that I wasted your time. As an apology, please accept this muffin. I only brought one, but it’s a little bigger than the ones I made as a kid. Apparently, both the muffin and the man have grown.

CURTAIN

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